


Original Sin

by JinxTheMisfortunate



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Dante is done w everyone, Envy gets jealous, Even though their gender is up for debate, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Family Drama, Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) - Freeform, Greed and Envy don't get along, I've had this OC for a long time, Male Pronouns for Envy (Fullmetal Alchemist), My First Fanfic, RIP me, The title is a Frozen reference, Violence, ho boy, in a while, possible sexual content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27889384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxTheMisfortunate/pseuds/JinxTheMisfortunate
Summary: Ophelia Jensen has been given another chance at life. Expect, not in the reborn as a God way. What Ophelia has become is called a homunculus, a freak of alchemy. There are others like her. Like the beautiful Lust, defiant Greed, and ill-tempered Envy. Her new master Dante says she can help her become human once again. Does she want that? Now going by Vanity, Ophelia struggles with her fleeting humanity, relationships with her comrades, and what she really wants out of this new life she has.This is set centuries before the events of Fullmetal Alchemist (2003). This is a homunculus-centric story and a bit of a case study on the homunculi themselves. This story contains harsh language, violence, and other mature content. It's rated explicit because of how many times the f-bomb is dropped.
Relationships: Dante & Envy (Fullmetal Alchemist), Envy & Gluttony (Fullmetal Alchemist), Envy & Greed (Fullmetal Alchemist), Envy & Lust (Fullmetal Alchemist), Envy/Original Character, Gluttony & Lust (Fullmetal Alchemist), Greed & Lust (Fullmetal Alchemist), minor Greed/Original Character
Kudos: 1





	1. Second Chance

What happens when someone dies? Humanity has asked themselves that question for ages. Some like to think they enter this ethereal afterlife where they meet all of their friends, family, and people who’ve lived before them. Others have a more realistic outlook, believing life is just that. They live and then die. Let’s say the second one was the true interpretation of the afterlife. If that’s so then why would God allow his creatures to be brought back by such wicked means?   
Waking with a small start, a young woman’s eyes flew open. Her eyes darted across the room, drinking in the darkness that surrounded her. A door opened beside her.   
“Oh dear you woke with quite the start, haven’t you?” A woman’s calm voice said. The woman had black hair, cut short. She wore a long black dress with a white collar. “Can you tell me what you saw, Vanity?”  
Vanity gingerly touched her forehead. “I saw a man and a woman. He had a ring box, then he got on one knee. He asked her to marry him.” She frowned. “But then the woman got sick and--”  
“It’s alright, dear.” The woman stroked Vanity’s forehead. “My, my, even as a homunculus you’re still beautiful.” The door opened again. “Envy, you’re back a little early.”  
“Yes, Dante. Next time give me a trickier assignment.” A low, dark voice said. “I see your newest abomination finally looks presentable.”  
“Now, now Envy. You were like this once.” Dante said smiling down at Vanity. “She’s almost ready.”  
“Oh?” Envy walked over to Vanity’s bedside, looking down at her. “This one’s not half bad looking. What is Dante calling you?”  
“Vanity.” The girl’s voice said softly.  
“We haven’t had someone with that name before.” The other homunculus said.   
“Yes. She’s my first Vanity.” Dante said. “Once she’s able, I’d like you to train her.”  
“Why me?” Envy narrowed his eyes slightly.  
“Because I said so.” The woman smiled. “You’re the oldest, and therefore, the best equipped to help Vanity get her footing.”   
“Well, you are right.” Envy smirked. “Vanity, you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together.”

Like Dante had said, Vanity was strong enough to get up shortly. In a week to be exact. Dante’s face illuminated with a cocky pride as she watched her creation walk down the hall so her master could present her to her fellow homunculi.  
“Everyone,” Dante said from the top of the stairs. “I would like you to meet the newest addition to our team; Vanity.”  
Vanity felt four pairs of eyes staring at her. As she looked out from the top of the stairs, she saw a curvaceous woman with long black hair, a man with spiky hair, a short circular creature, and Envy.   
“Go on my dear.” The woman put a hand on her shoulder. “Go meet them.”  
Vanity walked down the stairs, feeling their eyes watching every move she made. It made her feel someway she couldn’t describe. It was like they were trying to size her up.   
“Hey, cutie. Name’s Greed.” The spiky-haired man wasted little time walking up to the girl. “So how long have you been--”  
“Shut your filthy mouth, Greed.” Envy said from behind him. “You’re not going to treat Vanity like one of those whores you bring back here.”   
“I was not, you freak of nature.” Greed snapped back.   
“Ooh, testy.” The wispy haired youth said.  
“I see you’re still in that form.” The other man growled.   
“Yeah, what about it?” Envy snapped back.  
“I still can’t tell if you’re a man or a woman.”   
Envy started toward Greed, but the curvy woman grabbed them by the shoulder.   
“He’s not worth it, Envy.” The woman spoke.  
“Well, if I don’t do something about him, Lust, then he’s just going to continue acting out!”   
“That’s not your problem, Envy.” Lust pulled the other homunculus back and walked over to Vanity. “My name is Lust. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”   
“You too…” Vanity murmured, peeking down at the tiny round man.  
“Hello! I’m Gluttony! I like to eat!” He said, smiling widely.   
“You already know me.” Envy said, with a smirk.  
“Envy.” Vanity replied.  
“Fast learner.” He grinned.   
“Well, now that you’re all acquainted, let’s fill Vanity in on what our goal is,” Dante said, coming down the stairs. The other nodded and began walking towards a room.   
Vanity, not wanting to feel out of place, followed the group. 

Once inside, Dante sat in a large chair. Once she sat, Lust, Gluttony, and Envy bowed.   
“You two, show some respect to the Master!” Envy barked at them.  
Vanity scrambled down to the floor, confused. She took the cue from Envy that she didn’t want to disrespect Dante.  
“Pssh. Up yours…” Greed murmured before taking a knee.   
“Envy,” Dante spoke. “Be gentler with Vanity. She doesn’t know how things work.” The woman took her necklace in her hand and sighed. “My beloved creations. You all were created by alchemists. The ones who loved you make you into what you are now. You cannot die or know the release of sweet death.”  
As she listened, Vanity felt her heartache and she remembered the man. Seeing that woman lying sick in bed with the man by her side. Was that...really who she used to be? If what Dante was saying was true then…  
“But, I can help.” Dante smiled. “Once we get our hands on a Philosopher's s\Stone, I’ll make you human again.”  
Vanity looked up in slight shock. Could Dante really do this? This state she was in felt so permanent. She looked over at the others. They were all buying this. They’d be here longer than her, so what Dante was saying had to be right.   
Dante chuckled softly. “That being said, making a philosopher stone is much easier said than done. In order to make one, we have to get our hands a little dirty.”  
“By that, Vanity, she means to kill.” Envy said with a certain glee in his voice.  
“Yes, yes, and we need an alchemist to make it,” Dante said. “See, you all cannot do alchemy.”  
“And many alchemists aren’t too willing to work with us, so we have to make it seem like they’re doing it for themselves.” Envy said again.  
“Yes. You are rather talkative today, aren’t you Envy?” Dante observed. “You do enjoy your job. Anyways...Vanity, you’re going to working primarily with Envy. As a warning, I don’t tolerate disobedience on missions, so you better learn to tolerate each other.”  
Vanity exchanged glances with the homunculus known as Envy. “Don’t worry Dante, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.”  
“I hope so. You are dismissed.” Dante says, standing from her chair and going to look out her window.

One-by-one the homunculi left the room. As Vanity descended the steps, she felt a hand grab her shoulder. It was Envy.  
“You heard what Dante said. Let’s get to know each other.” Envy said.  
“Um, ok. How do we do that?” Vanity replied, a gleam of innocence shimmering in her eyes.  
“Oh, you’ll see. Just come with me.” He said and took her by the hand, leading her out of the manor.


	2. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanity and Envy bond while training
> 
> Chapter Warnings: None. It's wholesome.
> 
> This chapter is kind of short but bare with me. I've got another coming up.

Once they got outside, Envy led Vanity to the thicket of tall trees in front of Dante’s manor.  
“Consider this your first lesson.” Envy said, jumping up on a tree branch. “Cmon, you can do it.”  
“Are you sure about that? It's so high up!” Vanity yelled up at him.  
“Just trust me!” Envy yelled back. “Jump or I’ll leave you!”  
“Alright! Alright!” Vanity huffed and took a jump. Clumsily, she landed on the branch beside Envy. “There, I did it!”  
“Good, now try to keep up!” He said and started leaping from branch to branch.  
“H-Hey! Wait up!” She yelled, looking down at the height. Her eyes widened a bit. She leaped and sure enough, she made it to the second branch. Hey...that wasn’t too bad. She thought.  
“Come on, I’m way ahead of you, V!” Envy yelled and sure enough he was.  
“I’m coming, damn!” Vanity hissed and jumped again. Envy was so agile and lean when he jumped, but Vanity felt so clumsy and like she was going to fall at any second. She had to have jinxed herself because, sure enough, she came crashing down from the top of the tree. She landed hard on a root, surely hard enough to snap the back of any mere human. Thankfully, she was a homunculus.  
Envy whistled and jumped down beside her. “You really bit it didn’t ya, V?” He grabbed her hand and yanked her up. “Here let me dust you off.” He said, brushing dirt off her shirt and skirt.  
“Hey!” Vanity turned around. “You’re getting too handsy!”  
“Oh well sorry, but I’m not the idiot who fell out of a tree!” Envy retorted.  
“Wow...you’re kind of an ass.” She said, glaring at him.  
“So I’ve been told.” He shrugged. “C’mon. Let's keep going. You weren’t doing horrible.” 

It was dark outside when Envy finally decided to call it quits. At this point, Vanity had fallen out of every tree in that forest. This means Envy had no shortage of laughs during their session.  
“Well, Van, I suppose all's well that ends well.” Envy said as he clapped the girl on the back.  
“I fell out of those trees so many times...how was something not broken!?” Vanity finally asked incredulously.  
“You’re waiting until now to ask that!?” He chuckled deeply. “You’re positively insane.” He shook his head. “That’s because we can regenerate. Anything that’s broken, torn, or sprained in our bodies regenerate.”  
“Oh.” Vanity blinked.  
“Same time tomorrow?” He asked with a smirk.  
“Sure!” She said.

It took a while but Vanity eventually got better at hoping trees. She was far from Envy’s lithe, cat-like leaps, but she was still getting along better. Dante would come by to observe their training, sitting outside drinking a cup of tea. Vanity could sense Dante was slightly disappointed in them.  
“Envy, Vanity. I’d like to propose a competition between the two of you.” The woman said to her creations.  
“What?” Envy asked.  
“You’ve been making Vanity hop those trees for weeks now,” Dante said, dismissively. “When I said training I meant more like sparring.”  
Envy growled softly. “So what do you want, old lady?”  
“I want you to race Vanity.”  
“What are we, children!?”  
“You’re sure as hell acting like one.” Dante put his teacup down. “Now are you going to do it?”  
Once again, the dark-haired homunculus growled. “Fine.”  
Dante smiled. “Good.”

Envy stamped outside, grumbling like a child, followed by Vanity, who followed quietly. The two homunculi jumped up on their respective trees, side-by-side. Envy looked at Vanity and rolled his eyes. Vanity raised her eyebrows as if saying she understood he wasn’t too fond of this.  
“Alright, you two,” Dante said. “Are you ready?”  
“Yep!” Vanity replied.  
“I guess.” Envy grumbled.  
“Ready? Steady? Go!” Dante exclaimed.  
Like a bullet, Envy took off. He practically left Vanity in the dust. The black-haired girl followed her fellow homunculus, jumping after him. Her eyes narrowed as she watched Envy’s back. He was so quick, remarkably so. Envy’s advanced age was probably thanks to this. Being merely months old caused this weakness.  
No, I can’t let him have this big of an advantage on me! Vanity thought. She hopped on the branches faster, the gap between her and Envy lessening slightly.  
Envy glanced behind himself and smirked. “Well, well, well! Look at you! I must say I’m impressed.”  
“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me.” Vanity grinned.  
Envy and Vanity made it to the end tree at the same time. “Now we turn around!” Envy yelled, turning on his heels and jumping back.  
Vanity turned back as well, close on Envy’s tail. She slowly, but surely she caught up with him. “Hey, Envy. Long time no see!”  
“Think you’re hot shit just because you caught up to me?” He growled softly. “Well, you’re gonna have hell keeping up with me!” The homunculus leaped faster.  
“Oh, I think I’m doing pretty good for myself.” Vanity taunted.  
Envy growled and glared at her. “Cocky little bitch…”  
The two homunculi made it to the metaphorical finish line at the same time.  
“There! See I won!” Envy claimed.  
“No! It was me!” Vanity insisted.  
“Uh no, it was me, idiot!”  
“Nu-uh!”  
“Ya huh!”  
“Both of you!” Dante exclaimed. “Enough of this! Why does it matter if either of you won? You’re not getting anything out of it.”  
Envy crossed his arms. “Then what was the meaning of this stupid race!?”  
“Nothing, nothing at all.” The woman replied. “Call it an incentive to use your training time more wisely.”  
The homunculus growled as Dante walked back into the house. “Damn old hag…” He glanced over at Vanity. “Go do whatever the hell you want…you’re free for the rest of the night.” He stamped into the house and slammed the door shut.  
Vanity watched him leave, letting out a small sigh. She didn’t do much outside of training. Sure she could read in Dante’s library, but what fun was that?

“Hey, doll!” A voice call from her left.  
Vanity looked over it. “Oh, hey Greed.”  
“So the old ball and chain gave you the night off, eh?” Greed mused, taking a drag on his cigarette. “Want one?” He held the pack out to her.  
“Uh...yeah sure why not…” She took the stick. She looked at the thing and put it in her mouth.  
“You need this too, sweets.” He threw her the lighter.  
Vanity caught it and tried to ignite the flame. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried again and again with no avail to light it.  
“Here, let me do it.” Greed took the lighter and lit the cigarette for her. “This lighter’s a bit tricky anyway.”  
Vanity took a drag on the cigarette and wretched slightly. It didn’t particularly taste good, but it felt good.  
“So doll, I’m going out tonight. I need some more cigs and I’m gettin’ some booze. You wanna come along and sightsee?” He asked.  
Vanity thought about it for a moment. “Ok!”  
“Great! We’ll leave at 8. Better not keep me wanting, Vanity.” Greed winked at the girl before walking off.  
The homunculus blinked, still somewhat confused, but soon a smile stretched across her face. At least she would have something to do tonight.


	3. Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanity and Greed go to Dublith, get drunk, and have a great time...until they get back to the island.
> 
> Warnings: Language, Envy tries to get in Greed's head, mention of misogyny, consumption of alcohol to the point of being intoxicated

Vanity had preoccupied herself playing Dante’s old piano. She started out playing a few notes and rhythms, adding more as time went on. She decided to get bold and attempt one of the songs in the book; a simple nursery rhyme. She stumbled a few times but managed to get through the piece. Vanity glanced over at the clock and jolted. It was almost 8. She got up from the piano and hurried downstairs.  
“Hey, sweets.” Greed said, seeing Vanity walk down the stairs. “Had me scared for a second there.”  
“Sorry, just lost track of time.” The girl smiled.  
“Ah, it’s no big deal. C’mon, let’s get out of here.” He said and walked out with Vanity following him. 

The pair walked for a bit until they made it to the edge of the island. Out in front of them sat a huge sprawling ocean. Vanity could see a town in the far distance. She heard a grunt and looked over at Greed.  
“Alright doll.” The homunculus dropped a boat in front of her. “Not exactly my preferred method of transport but it gets us off this godforsaken island for a bit.”  
“A little boat? Are you sure it won’t sink the second we get in?” Vanity said, weary of the Greed’s plan.  
“Positive! I go out nearly every night and nothing has ever gone wrong!” He boasted.  
“Why do I have the feeling we’re going to end up swimming to shore?” She felt slightly apprehensive about this.  
“Ah lighten up, babe. You’ve been spending too much time with Envy. It’s high time you pull that stick out of your ass and have fun!” He picked her up.  
“Hey!” Vanity protested as he gently sat her in the boat. “I could have walked myself…”  
Greed chuckled. “Yeah Van, I know.” He started rowing the boat, slowly, they got further and further from their “home”.

Ten minutes later, the boat docked on the shore of a small town. The air was thick with something that smelled foul. Greed got out of the boat and offered Vanity his hand. She took it, pulled her up, then she got out.   
“Welcome to Dublith, Vanity!” The homunculus grinned, presenting the town to his new friend.   
“It smells god awful here.” She wretched slightly.  
Greed shivered a bit. “Yeah, you kind of have to get used to the stench. Word of advice, don’t walk too close to the buildings.”  
"I feel like I don’t wanna know why…” Vanity cringed back.   
He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Well, we’re not gonna have much fun just standing here. Let’s go get something to drink.”

The pair walked onto the dock and into the town. The cobblestone-lined the roads and sidewalks. People lined the crowded walkways. A horse-drawn carriage stood in the road.   
“Hey look! It’s Greed!” A man yelled.  
“Hey, Thomas.” He said, waving at the man.  
“Who’s the lady with you?” The man asked.  
"Oh, just a friend!” He responded.  
“You’re awful popular around here.” Vanity mused.  
“What must I say, I’ve got quite the reputation around here.” Greed said with pride.   
“Really now?” She smirked. “Would some human women around here get testy if they saw me hanging on you?”  
“They might, Van. They just might…” The homunculus chuckled.  
“Interesting…” Vanity mused.  
Greed walked up to stand and pulled out a few coins. “Gimme two packs of usual.”  
“Gotcha.” The man at the stand said. He took the coins, pocketed them, and handed Greed two packs of cigarettes.  
“Thanks, Oscar. Have a good night.” The man handed a pack to Vanity. “Here.”  
“For me?” She asked.  
“Yeah.”   
“Thanks.” She heard smacking and looked over at Greed. He was hitting the cigarette carton on his hand.   
“Waking up the cancer.” He explained with a laugh. “That’s what the humans say.”  
“We can’t get cancer, though.” She laughed.   
“No, no we can’t.”

Greed and Jinx kept walking until they reached a pub on the outskirts of town. It was called the Devil’s Nest. Inside was an array of colorful characters. Some men dressed in fancy suits sat at a table in the back, reminiscing about old times. Some farmers sitting at the bar, downing shots and laughing merrily. It was so different from Dante’s place.   
“Greed!” A bartender exclaimed. “The usual?”  
“Yep. I’ve got a friend here tonight, so better make it two.” He said, referring to Vanity.  
The barkeep whistled. “She’s a looker.” The girl smiled, feeling a certain pride bubbling inside of her. Yeah, she was pretty.   
“Ain’t she…” Greed sat on a barstool and Vanity sat next to him.  
The bartender put two shot glasses down. “You heard, yet?”  
“No what?” Greed asked.  
“Those idiots in the big city.” He poured two glasses of an amber-colored liquor.  
“What are they doing this time, Rosco?” The homunculus picked his glass up.  
“They’re talking about giving the military more centralized power.”  
“Centralized?” Vanity spoke, studying her glass. She took a sip, looked at the glass inquisitively, and then drank more of it.  
“That means they’re taking power from smaller towns and giving it to the big cities.” Greed explained. “I knew they were talking about it, but do you know if they’re really going through with it?”  
“No...I don’t.” Rosco sighed. “Anywho...we’re not here to talk about that. You two got another round on me.”  
“Thanks, Rosco. You’re the best, bud.” Greed grinned, his sharp teeth practically glowing.

As time passed and more drinks were had, Vanity started feeling the effects of the alcohol. Her head was swimming, she felt loopy and sleepy. She had rested her head on the bar table, feeling as if the entire world was spinning around her.  
“Hey, kid.” Greed poked Vanity. “You ok?”  
Vanity lifted her head up and looked at Greed. Her face was red, her eyes slightly glassy, and she looked like a mess. “Yeeeah.” She slurred.   
“Yep. You’re drunk.” The man sighed.  
“What’s thaaat?” The girl asked.  
“The kid doesn’t know what being drunk is?” Rosco looked puzzled. “Greed, how old is this girl?”  
“She’s at least 18!” Greed said, defensively. “Right, babe?”  
“Uh-huh!” Vanity nodded.   
“Well, I think you better take your lady friend home.” The bartender said. “She looks kinda rough.”  
“Alright, Rosco.” The homunculus sighed. “Nice talking to you.”  
“You too, bud.”  
“C’mon, V. Let’s go.” Greed hoisted Vanity up, putting her on his back. He walked out of the bar.   
“Hey, hey, hey Greed.” Vanity slurred.  
“Yes, drunkard?”   
“That was fuuun.”  
“Glad to hear.” Greed sighed. “We’re gonna have to work on your tolerance.”  
She laughed. “Ok!”

Greed put Vanity on the boat and rowed them back to the island safely. It was roughly 3 in the morning. The black night sky littered by stars had faded to bluish-black. As Greed walked through the forest to the mansion. He tried not to think too hard about Vanity being this close to him. Rosco was right on when he said Vanity was a looker. She had a nice body, with curves that rivaled Lust’s. The dark grey shirt, black skirt, and tights she wore, though it may greatly differ from Lust’s tight skimpy dress, flattered her well. Vanity wasn’t a carbon copy of Lust and Greed liked that.   
“Where the hell were you two!?” A snarky voice said from the mansion.  
“Ah, shit…”  
“Oh, shit indeed.” Envy came from out of the shadows of the house. “What were you doing with Vanity?”  
“Nothing, you overbearing maggot!” Greed snapped back.  
"Sure as hell doesn’t look like nothing.” The homunculus crossed his arms. “Put Vanity down, now.”  
Greed glared at the other homunculus but, in the end, he put the girl down. “See, she’s fine!”  
Vanity’s knees were wobbly. She almost immediately fell forward, landing in Envy’s arms. “Shit…” She murmured.  
“She reeks of booze!” Envy cringed back, holding Vanity upright. “You took her to that podunk bar you’re always stumbling in from.”  
“No!”  
“Don’t lie to me, Greed.” He pointed a finger at Greed with a glare. “I know everywhere you go, everything you do, and even what goes on in that stupid little head of yours.” Envy smirked. “You’re not getting Vanity, because she’s already mine.”  
“Vanity is no one’s property!” Greed growled.  
“Oh really now? What about that speech you gave us all 100 years ago?” The homunculus grinned sinisterly. “I do recall something about you lumping women in with the property.”  
“That was 100 years ago!”   
“A leopard can’t change its spots, Greed.” Envy smirked. “Even you should know that.” He turned, carrying Vanity in the house with him.

Once he got Vanity up to her room, Envy sat Vanity on her bed and looked at her with his hands on his hips. He looked like a disappointed mother.   
“Saying I’m disappointed in you is a gross understatement, Vanity.” He said, his voice unnervingly calm. "Normally, Dante and I don't give a damn what the homunculi do, but for now you're my problem. Since you’re my problem, I don’t want you hanging around with Greed.”  
“Aw c’mon.” Vanity slurred. “I’m just fine.”  
“No, you’re not, you idiot.” He said and walked up to her. “You’re drunk and liable to be hungover tomorrow. Unfortunately for us, Dante has something for us to do.” He shook his head “I should beat the shit out of you for this, but I told you you could do whatever you wanted tonight. I guess you’re off the hook for now. You’d better be ready for tomorrow, Vanity.”  
Vanity laid down. “Will you stay with me tonight?”  
Envy raised an eyebrow. He sighed then rolled his eyes. “Yeah but only because I want to make sure we leave on time.” He crawled in bed beside the black-haired girl.   
She scooted up next to him and smiled. “Hi.”  
He looked down at her. “What do you want?”  
“I was just trying to give you more space.” She replied.   
“Alright then.” He huffed, and wrapped an arm around her, holding her close to him. He looked down at her tired form. Envy felt his trademark characteristic begin bubbling inside of him. He was practically seething with it. Rage began to bubble up in him as he thought about Greed having any kind of influence over her. He wasn’t going to let Greed let him take her away from him.


	4. Mission One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normal clownery. Vanity and Envy go on their mission, Vanity discovers her ability, Envy nicknames Vanity Jinx, and some guy dies.
> 
> Warnings: language, violence, breaking and entering, a very small mention of sex, Envy's just kind of a dick here

Sunrise came a little early for Vanity's liking. Envy had been right. Her head hurt, she felt sick at her stomach, and she wanted to do nothing but sleep.  
"Alright, V." Envy said from beside her. "Up and at em!"  
Vanity looked up at him with weary eyes. "You're kidding me, right?  
"Nope. Now get up." He stood and stretched, a sickening pop coming from his joints.  
"Bleh." She mumbled.  
"Vanity. Now." Envy growled.  
"Fine." She sighed and pushed herself off the bed.

Envy and Jinx walked down the hall to Dante’s room. The woman was already up, standing in front of her mirror, staring at her image. She was staring into her reflection with a solemn expression.  
“Hey, Dante.” Envy said.  
“Good morning Envy, Vanity.” The woman said. “Since Envy let you out prematurely yesterday, I’ll fill you in.” She sat down in her chair. “I need you and Envy to go plant some information about the stone in a library.”   
“Yes, master.” Vanity replied.  
“Envy, I trust you to take care of Vanity. I would hate to have wasted all that time on her to have her die on us so quickly.” Dante said.  
“I will.” Envy smiled. He patted Vanity on the head.  
“And Vanity, I trust you to carry your mission out and do it well.”   
Vanity nodded. “I will, master.”  
“I have high hopes for you two. Don’t let me down.” Dante said, turning to the sunlit window. “You are dismissed.”

Envy and Vanity took a boat over to the mainland where Dublith was. From there, they started their long trek to the library in an Eastern town. Of course, Dante would tell them to go to a small township that no one knew about.   
“So Van.” The homunculus said as they walked down a dirt road.  
“So Envy.” The girl replied.  
“How was Dublith?” He asked, curtly.  
“It was nice.” She responded. She pulled the cigarettes Greed had given her out of her skirt’s pocket.  
“Where’d you get those?” He asked.  
“In Dublith.”  
“He got them for you, didn’t he?”  
“Yeah, so?”  
Envy glared softly. “He’s bad news, Vanity.”  
“How?” She took a drag off her cigarette.  
“He just is!” He exclaimed. “And I’m not letting you get dragged down with him!”  
Vanity glared. “No one’s dragging anyone down! You’re just…” She smirked. “You’re jealous!”  
“I’m not.”   
“Yes, you are!” A grin spread across her face.  
“No, I’m not!”  
“You are, hell your name is En--”  
Envy had grabbed Vanity by the neck, knocking the cancer stick out of her mouth. He hoisted her up with little effort. “You’ve been trying my patience all morning and I’m fucking sick of it. Learn your place or I’ll put you there.” He dropped her down.   
Vanity coughed dryly and got up. She glared up at him. “Fuck you.”  
He grinned down at her. “Tempting offer, but we’re busy now. Get your ass up.” He started walking again.

After hours of walking, the pair made it to the township. It wasn’t much different from Dublith. The library that sits in the middle of the town seems to be the centerpiece of the entire town. It was already dark. Quietly, the two crept into the small building.   
“Alright V.” Envy whispered, hanging her some papers. “You put these over there and I’ll put mine here.”  
Vanity nodded and walked over to the other side of the library and started putting her notes in books on alchemy. She was halfway finished when the library door opened. A lantern shone inside. Without even thinking, Vanity pressed herself against the wall and attempted to stay as quiet as she could. The light from the lantern kept getting closer and closer and Vanity held her breath. The light shone on Vanity.  
“Hey, who are you?” A man asked, approaching her.  
Vanity’s eyes widened. She held her arms up to protect herself but much to her surprise, the man stopped, frozen in his tracks.  
“What the hell?” He said.  
“So this is your ability.” Envy said as he walked over to Vanity. “Damn, you’ve got some really bad luck. Dante should have called you Jinx instead of Vanity, huh Jinxy?”  
“Uh yeah sure, but what do we do about this joker?” Vanity said, making the mistake of moving her arm. Sure enough, the man was free. He made a break for it.  
Envy shifted his arm into a knife. “Oops. Too slow.” The man impaled himself on the knife, bleeding out in an instant. “I really didn’t want to have to get my hands dirty this time, but I guess this can’t be helped.” He shrugged.  
Vanity looked down at the dead body. She didn’t feel the slightest bit of remorse for him. But should she? If Envy wanted to be human as Dante claimed all homunculi did, then why was he so fine with killing them?   
“C’mon. Let’s get out of here before another human comes in here.” Envy took her by the arm and pulled her out of the library. He ducked behind a wall and a random human so they could blend in. "Gotta hand it to ya, Vanity. Didn't expect this mission to go as smoothly as it did." He said, walking out from behind the building with Vanity followed him, leaving the library and finishing their first mission together.


	5. Cat Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dante is sick of Envy and Greed's constant fighting, so she puts Vanity in charge of making sure they get along.
> 
> Warnings: Violence, Language

It took a day and a half, but Envy and Vanity made it back to Dante’s mansion. The two homunculi walked up the stairs to Dante’s room.  
“Well, we didn’t totally bomb the mission so I wouldn’t be too scared.” Envy said. “Doesn’t change the fact you’re a total jinx.”  
Vanity rolled her eyes. The two opened the door and standing in front of Dante was Greed.   
“Hello, Envy and Vanity,” Dante said, not even turning to look at them. “I’m assuming it went well.”   
“Yes. We planted the information and got out with few casualties.” Envy smirked, ignoring Greed for the time being.  
“Few?” The woman raised an eyebrow.  
“Some village idiot came poking around so I had to dispose of him.” The homunculus shrugged.  
“Oh?”   
“Yep. Though I can’t take all the credit for it.” Envy put a hand on Vanity’s shoulder. “It was her power that bought me enough time to do something.”  
“Vanity.” Dante smiled. “Would you please show me your ability?”  
“Huh? Uh yes, ma’am!” The girl put her hands in front of her and turned them into mirrors.   
“Stunning…” The woman murmured.   
“Yes, and it appears that if someone’s reflection is caught in the mirror, they can’t move.” Envy said.  
“That’s great to hear. It’s working just like I envisioned.” Dante said.  
“So what’s that thing doing here?” Envy asked, referring to Greed.  
“Well, I want the two of you to watch over him.” The woman smiled.  
Vanity blinked. “Wait...why both of us?”  
“Why to prove yourself, of course!” Dante said. “Greed has been acting out lately.”  
“We’re not glorified babysitters!” Envy yelled.  
“What!?” Greed’s eyes widen.  
“Dante, I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but Envy and Greed don’t exactly--”   
“I know, Vanity. It’s high time these two start acting kosher toward each other. That’s why you’re in charge of this endeavor.”  
“What!?” The three of them said in unison.  
“Until further notice, you three are ordered to stay together at almost all times,” Dante said. “I am sick of Greed and Envy’s constant squabbling. It’s either those two stop their bickering or...well, let’s not think about what’s going to happen then. Let’s hope you can handle this, Vanity.”  
Vanity’s eyes widened as she exchanged glances with the two. “Y-Yes, master.”   
Dante smiled. “I put my full trust in you, Vanity. You are all dismissed.” The trio walked out of their master’s room. 

“This is just fucking fantastic!” Envy exclaimed once they got downstairs.   
“Oh shut up, Envy. I’m not thrilled about this either.” Greed grumbled.  
“Hey, let’s at least try to look on the bright side.” Vanity suggested. “At least she gave you two a chance to get along before destroying you on the spot.”  
“Damn hag would never destroy me.” Envy taunted.  
Greed rolled his eyes. “She probably doesn’t know how to kill such an abomination.”   
“Wanna say that again, you spineless coward?”  
“Gladly, ugly.”  
“Hey!” Vanity put herself between them. “You two know what Dante said! If she catches you fighting, it's curtains for all of us!”  
The two glared at each other. They knew it was true. Dante had done it to others who acted out and she’d do it to them.   
“Well...This could be worse.” Greed finally said. “The old woman could have fused the three of us together or something.”  
“Now that’s something that scares me.” Envy shuddered, not even wanting to fathom the idea of being stuck to Greed.  
“So, what’d you two do for fun?” Greed asked, pulling out a cigarette.  
“Clean up the messes you make.” Envy glared.  
“I mean I’ve been trying to play that piano upstairs.” Vanity said, quietly. It sounded kind of lame compared to what Greed did on a daily basis.  
“That was you?” Greed’s eyes widened slightly.  
“Yeah, I was just looking for something to pass time, and well the piano was there.”  
Envy looked unamused. “I can play the thing too. Learned about 200 years ago, but I can still play it.”  
“Aside from playing the piano, do you two do anything else?” Greed asked.  
“Well, I am always up for a good fight.” Envy said.  
“Oh? Are you trying to say something, punk?” Greed responded.  
“Oh for fucks sake…” Vanity murmured.   
“What?” They both said.  
“Oh, nothing.” She smiled. “You two just remind me of tomcats fighting over a mate.”  
“Are you trying to imply we’re fighting over you?” Envy smirked and cocked an eyebrow at her.  
“Not necessarily.” Vanity shook her head. “Come to think of it, why do you two fight so much?”  
“I honestly don’t know.” Greed shrugged.  
“Oh, really? You don’t know who cleans after you?” Envy glared at him. “I get sick of having to fix what you fuck up!”  
“Well maybe if you didn’t hover around me like a goddamn fly, I wouldn’t care so much!” Greed shot back.  
“Stop it!” Vanity said. “Obviously, you two aren’t going to talk your differences out. So, let’s try a language we all know.” The woman smirked.

Vanity leads the other two outside the mansion on a large plot of smooth dirt. This place was designated as the “sparring grounds”. The three homunculi stood in the middle.   
“Since you can’t work it out talking, we’re gonna try fighting!” Vanity said. “You have thirty minutes to beat the shit out of each other. Then, hopefully, this pissing match of yours will seize.”  
“Someone’s getting a little big for their britches, huh, Vanity?” Envy observed.   
“I’d say.” Greed added.  
“When I said thirty minutes, I meant it.” Vanity said, holding up a pocket watch.   
“Huh?” Greed felt around in his pockets. “That’s mine!”  
“You can have it back in thirty minutes.” She smirked, twirling it bored.  
Envy and Greed glared at each other. In some ways, Vanity was right. They had been having a century-long pissing match and it was getting kind of old. Their insults were getting stale and half of the things they fought about weren’t even relevant anymore.   
Envy charged at Greed and kicked at him. When Envy made contact Greed shift his face into his shield. “That tired ass trick…”  
“Better than what you can do!” Greed shifted his fist into his shield and punched Envy square in the shoulder.  
Envy growled as he regenerated, constantly blocking Greed’s. “Oh, really now?” He shifted into a boa constrictor. He wrapped around Greed’s legs and tripped him. “Now who’s trick is better?”  
Greed fell to the ground, his nose hitting with a sickening crack. He let out a soft hiss and pushed himself up, red light flashing around his nose healing. “You bastard!” He growled at the shapeshifter who slowly turned back into his original form. He landed a kick on Envy’s back, knocking him down.  
“You son of a bitch!” Envy growled. “I’ll kill you!” He growled, charging at Greed.   
Greed dug his heels into the ground. “Well c'mon, kill me! You ugly bastard!”   
Envy swung around and kicked him in the side. Greed shifted his side into his shield, stopping the brute force of the impact.   
“That’s enough!” Vanity said, walking up to the two. She shifted her arms into mirrors and caught their gaze in them. The two were frozen where they stood.   
“That’s a dirty trick, Vanity.” Greed spoke, growling as he was forced to stare at Envy.   
“Jinxy, you’re a pain in the ass, ya know that?” Envy growled.  
“Oh shut up. I’m not letting you go until you agree to not go after each other.” She glared at them. “So can I count on you two to behave?”  
Greed sighed. “Fine.”  
“Envy?”  
“Yeah, whatever.”  
Vanity moved her arms, letting them free from her hold. Envy moved his leg from its kicking position and both of them stood up straight. Greed dusted himself off and so did Envy. Low and behold, the two didn’t go after each other.   
“Everything good?” Vanity asked.  
“Well, I’ll admit that I want to kill this hideous troll a little less now.” Envy said.  
“Yeah, I guess this midget palm tree can live a little longer.” Greed huffed.  
Vanity smiled. “Well, I’m glad to hear!” She wrapped an arm around both of their shoulders, pulling them down to her level. She kissed Greed’s cheek and then Envy’s. “See, I knew you two could act civil toward each other for 5 minutes!” She released them. “Well, I’m going back in now.” She started to leave.  
Greed and Envy rubbed the places where Vanity kissed them. Envy’s cheeks had heated up significantly and Greed was wearing a huge, cocky smirk.   
Dante watched out of her bedroom window with a knowing smile. Everything was going just as according to her plan. Her good little pawns had fallen right into place.


	6. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanity, Envy, and Greed have a long talk about memories.
> 
> Warnings: a bit of angst and melodrama and harsh language because Envy has a potty mouth

After their sparring match, Envy had found something he needed to take care of. At Dante’s request, Greed went with him, leaving Vanity to her own devices. She decided she’d go practice that piano again. She’d grown fond of one piece of music. It wasn’t incredibly difficult but it also wasn’t easy as the nursery rhythms she’d played before.  
As she approached the large grand piano, Vanity noticed a journal sitting on the piano. It had her name on it. She wanted to look at it. She felt like she needed to see what was in it. It was like it was calling to her. With a deep breath, she mustered up the courage and picked up the book.

“Well...that didn’t go as bad I thought it would.” Envy admitted.  
“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Greed quipped.  
“Don’t get used to it, ultimate disappointment.” Envy looked around the living room. “Wonder where Jinxy went off to.”  
“Didn’t she mention something about playing piano?” Greed mused.  
“Yeah. Let’s go check in the library.” Envy said and started walking up the stairs with Greed trailing behind him.

“Hey Jinx! We’re back!” Envy greeted, expecting to see Vanity sitting at the piano. “Hmm? Where did she go?”  
Greed poked his head in the library. “I think that’s her.” He pointed over in the corner.  
Envy and Greed walked inside and went over to the corner. Vanity was sitting in with her back up against a bookshelf, a journal beside her. She looked absolutely distraught by what she had read.   
“Hey Van...what’s the matter?” Greed asked, crouching down to her level. He could see the fear and despair glowing in her eyes.   
Envy saw the journal. He leaned down and picked it up. “Vanity…” He said. “Did you read this?”  
Vanity looked up at him. “Yes…”  
Envy swore under his breath. “I told that damn old woman to put these journals elsewhere!”  
“What did she read Envy?” Greed asked, looking back at the oldest homunculus.  
Envy’s eyes darkened. “About the person she was before…and her creation...”  
Greed looked down at the petrified homunculus. Her eyes were wet, as if she was seconds away from tears. He reached down and stroked her hair, comfortingly. He could feel her trembling softly.  
“Envy…” Vanity said.  
“What?”  
“Are you mad at me?” She asked in a low, scared tone.  
Envy looked down at her. “No. Why would I be?”  
“I knew I shouldn’t have read that…'' She was shaking slightly. “B-But I couldn’t help it…”  
Envy put the book down and sat down beside her. “It’s ok. You didn’t know any better…” He sighed. “You have memories, don’t you?”  
“Yes...and I can’t explain them.”   
Greed looked over, sitting on her left side. “I...have them too, not as much now though.”  
Envy’s eyes pulled his legs to his chest. “I...used to have them a lot too. It took centuries to figure out what they mean and where they came from, but I have.”  
“What...do they mean?” Vanity asked.  
“I’ve figured out that they’re...the memories of the human we used to be.” Envy said solemnly.   
Vanity and Greed looked at him with a shocked expression. “So...what Dante said is…”  
“Yes, Greed, one-hundred percent true.”  
Vanity’s eyes widened. Her head began to flood with memories. A black-haired woman sitting at a sewing machine mending dresses, a man performing alchemy and smiling at the same woman, the man proposing to the woman, and then….  
“Vanity.” Greed said, snapping the girl back to reality. His eyes widened a bit when he saw her face.  
Envy looked over at her and frowned. “Perhaps, it was too soon to tell her the truth…”  
Hot tears poured down the girl’s face like someone had turned the handle on a faucet. She blinked and reached up, seeing the tears on her fingers. She was crying but she had just noticed it.  
Envy sighed and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest, mimicking how Dante gave hugs. “Look, I’m not very good at this whole comforting thing...but the memories get easier to deal with as time goes on.”  
Greed took Envy’s lead and took hold of her hand. “It really does, Vanity, and it doesn’t take a long time either.”  
Envy shook his head. “In fact, I’ve almost stopped having them completely.”  
Vanity smiled and took a deep breath. “Well, that’s comforting to know.” She felt a lot better after Envy said that. She squeezed Greed’s hand and hugged Envy’s arms with her other arm. Greed and Envy were a great deal older than her, so if they said the visions got better, then they had to.  
Envy couldn’t believe it but he caught himself smiling slightly. Then he looked over at Greed. “You can let go of her hand now, abomination.”   
“As soon as you stop holding her, ugly.”   
“She likes me holding her!” Envy retaliated.  
“She never said that!” Greed growled.  
“Oh shut up, disgusting troll!”   
“Up yours, you puny little slug!”  
“I see we’ve resumed our pissing match...” Vanity observed with a sigh. When she said that, Envy let go of her and sat up straight and Greed let go of her hand, also sitting up straight.  
“We were doing no such thing, right Greed?” Envy said.  
Greed nodded. “Yep, no pissing matches here!”  
“Good. Let’s keep it that way.” Vanity winked.  
The three homunculi sat in silence. The day had faded to night and the moonlight shone into the large open window of the library. None of them needed to sleep but for some odd reason, the urge to rest just overcame them. Sitting against the bookcase in the library, the three unlikely partners rested their eyes.


End file.
